Bullied By A 13 Months Old Man

Have you ever been bullied by anyone? Have you ever bullied anyone? I have been bullied a number of times in boarding school.

Today, for the first time after boarding school, I was bullied. I was bullied by ... wait for it ... my 13 months old nephew.

It was lunch time. I prepared noodles and settled down with my nephew so we could eat together. I took two forkfuls and then, bam! He started crying, pointing at my plate of noodles and refusing to have anymore pap.

I ended up having to watch him eat my noodles while laughing at me. Again, I ask. Have you ever been bullied by anyone? Have you ever bullied anyone?

Professional Boxers in the House of Representatives

LMSAO!  The boxing match in the House of Reps was largely entertaining. Rather old news, but I just watched it today. Check it out here.

News Flash - People over 30 years old can still engage in the old 'fisticuffs' way of settling quarrels. Were you more embarassed or entertained?

What Has Nigeria Achieved?

Nowadays, my discussions with my friends broach, more frequently, societal matters. Nah, we don't discuss politics. Well, not anymore, considering that we normally end up vexed and frustrated after talking about how well our leaders are leading us.

While we were having one of our discussions,  a friend informed us of the preparations for the Nigeria's 50th birthday:

1. World's Largest Cake to be unveiled in this stadium

Abuja National Stadium

 2.

This No More. New 50 Naira Note Coming Soon!

Said friend was outraged at number 1.
He went on and on and on and on about Nigeria not having any achievements to celebrate. This, I pointed out to him, was very wrong. Then, bang! He asked me to list the achievements we are celebrating.

Here's my list -

 1. Our Independence

2. eh ...

Please HELP!!! 

What has Nigeria achieved since she gained independence? 

In what ways is she better now than she was, 50 years ago?

Psst! What is the answer to number 7?

Have you ever been in the exam hall and had someone 'psst!' you and ask you a question? What did you do? 

Today, in the exam hall, before we started, I had a total stranger (yet, tough looking guy) beg me to exchange seats with him so that he could be with his supplier. I exchanged seats with him. If you were the one, knowing he wanted to cheat in the exam hall, and that doing so would help him, would you have switched seats with him?

Later on today (still in the exam hall), a very close friend asked me for answers. I couldn't tell him (I have a principle of 'man alone' in the exam hall). I had to ignore him. What would you have done?

                                                           Exam Malpractice (How Smart Are We?)

Ah, the age old 'Giraffe style'

Now, this I saw during JAMB UME

LOL! Why don't you name it yourself?

Outdated method (bullets)

Aw! You knew he wouldn't search there!

 That's All He Wrote, Folks! Thanks For Stopping By ...

 

Yakubization

Yakubisation

This word has been accepted by 103 Baku Men as an English Word. Its origin can be traced to the SA 2010 FIFA World Cup when our countryman decided to make a name for himself, albeit in the wrong way. The story is that Yakubu was the only man before an unmanned post in a World Cup match against South Korea and he made history. See for yourself.

Yes, yes, goal!

Oh no he didn't!

Good morning, class. We will be treating Yakubization – the latest entry in the Akokites’ English Dictionary.

Yakubise (verb) – ₍₁₎ to mess up a very good chance ₍₂₎ to screw up a major opportunity ₍₃₎ to try and fail ₍₄₎ (sports) to score like Yakubu

Yakubisation (noun) – the act of yakubising

So, we waltzed out of the World Cup. Let’s give honour to whom honour is due. We thank you, Yakubu, for adding to our vocabulary. 

I leave you with this – In whatever positive endeavour of yours, if you yakubise (3^rd meaning), try, try, try again and you will succeed. 

Good night, everyone! Sweet dreams.

Breaking News - Useful Discussion held on Facebook!

Seeing updates I could care less about made me hate Facebook. You know what I mean- updates like 'X is sleeping', 'B is having his bath', 'Z is facebooking in church', 'Y just dumped his girlfriend', those sorts of updates.

Once in a while, we do have some useful discussions on Facebook.

So, what do you think? Should a leader be feared or loved?

Insanity Test

If a hot mama walks past you, what do you do?

           A.    Ogle that fine baby.  

           B.    Throw a glance her way a second time , maybe a third … 

           C.   Keep going and do not even sneak a peek.

Are you a fan of Derele?

A.    Who is He?   

B.    No   

C.   Yes

Was the last presidency election in Nigeria rigged?

A.     Yes    

B.     Maybe  

C.     No

Do you like Terry G’s Free Madness?

A.    No  

B.    Somehow  

C.   Great music!

Would you dance to Faze’s Kolomental?

A.    No     

B.    Maybe   

C.    Yes

If you spot a huge wad of cash on the road, what do you do?

A.    Look at it a second time and pass

B.    Retrace your steps and pick it up (it’s manna from heaven)

C.    Ignore it completely

Michael Jackson’s the greatest and biggest musician/dancer of all time?

A.    Hell yeah

B.    I don’t know

C.   No, he isn’t

 

Would you go to a mosque and preach that Jesus is Lord?

A.    No, thank you!

B.    If I get a vision about it

C.   Yes, they need Jesus!

 

Well done, you made it to the end of this grueling quiz! Rate yourself

A – 1

B – 2

C – 3 

RESULT

0 – 7               get outside and socialize, my friend!

8 – 12             you are normal

 13 – 19           you are getting there, slowly but surely. 

20 – 24         you have qualified for admission into the Psychiatric 

                       Hospital of your Choice ('Yaba Left' Recommended)

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Take that, FRCN!

 

Friends tend to ask sensible questions. Sometimes.

Onyeka once asked me why the chicken crossed the road. I did not get it, then and as at yesterday, I still had not). 

Today, I was solving a crossword puzzle when I saw the word, chicken. I recalled Onyeka’s question and, this time, I had the answer. 

Did your parents give you that lecture about looking left, right and left again before crossing a road? Mine did. Love to mum and dad for that! Do you look before crossing a road? I look left, right, left, right again (one can never be too careful).

'Look left, right and left again' is a way of taking caution, assessing your chances before you make a move. 

In real life, there are times when that rule will leave us sweating and not taking a single step.  Chike says, 'If all you ever do is take caution, you'll get to a point of stagnation'. That means that there are times when you should just act without thinking because you'll find reasons to not act when you think.

One of such times, for me, is 'approaching people'. 

Many find it so easy to walk up to people and engage them in conversations. Nonso does not. Oh, I can keep you enthralled in conversation, but taking that first step towards you is the hurdle that tripped the horse. 

Many times I have tried to approach people, talk with them, but each time I always thought, “what if they don’t like me?” “What they ignore me?” “What if they blow me off?” “What if they think I’m too handsome for them?” “What if …?” 

 I have been looking for French students to converse with in UNILAG. I have seen a lot, but always got cold feet when it got to approaching them. 

Yesterday, I heard a pretty damsel speaking French. This time, I did not think (not necessarily because she is pretty). I just walked up to her and, abracadabra, I got a friend with whom I could converse in French.  

Now, I’ve figured it out. Now, Onyeka and my fellow shy friends, I can tell you why the chicken crossed the road. He did not look left, right and left again.